Ok so today we reach a milestone, Amelia is five months old. I have managed to keep a tiny human alive for approximately 152 days (not to mention the time she was in my tummy). Wow haven’t we done well…
So do I pass my probation? Perhaps even a promotion…?
Before baby, my career trajectory in PR and comms was pretty steep and I found myself rising through the ranks relatively quickly. I worked bloody hard and was rewarded accordingly.
Being overly ambitious (and someone who is driven by praise and feedback), one of my favorite aspects of my job was of course appraisal time. That time for someone to feedback on my progress, tell me what I have been doing well and what I need to work on. A time to reflect on the successes on the past six months.
Ultimately getting a promotion gave me a rush like no other. You just can’t beat it.
But motherhood is a whole different story, let me tell you. I haven’t yet had so much as a chat about passing my probation, let alone a promotion and I guess I never will. I don’t get appraisals or someone to tell me I am doing well or what I need to work on. No six monthly check in or annual review.
Maybe I could ask my husband to sit me down and do my appraisal tonight… “Well Holly, you’ve done well on the nappy changes, but your weaning technique needs work”… or something similar. Maybe I should asses him too, “James, great work on playtime and making her smile from ear to ear, but your memory for nursery rhymes is poor”… (Sorry James but it’s true!)
If like me, you live for praise or constructive criticism then the job of motherhood is really really hard. It’s just you doing it day in day out, with no one to tell you how well you are doing it. You never really know if you have reached the next level, or mastered something. And often if you think you have achieved a milestone (like baby sleeping through the night for example) you realise that, in fact, it was just a phase and teething, 4 month sleep regression or something similar kicks in. Being a parent is a job that constantly keeps you guessing, that forces you to ‘wing it’ more often than not and a role than never allows you an appraisal or a promotion.
Oh and you have to work 24 hours a day all day, every day…
What kind of job is that….!
Well thankfully you are paid favorably in the currency of toothless smiles, cheerful giggles and lots of cuddles. So it’s not too bad after all J